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Ask Wendy: About Alternative Lifestyles

Ask Wendy:

About Alternative Lifestyles

You know you have always wondered about it. You are at a party and you see a hot man or woman and wonder what it would be like to go at it with them. But then of course, you are standing there with your spouse or significant other and the fantasy quickly dissipates because you are committed to each other and would never do anything to adversely affect all you have.

If you have been married for longer than 25 years then monogamy might be a little monotonous. In fact, there is a sexual subculture in the United States where close to 8 million people participate in “Swinging” (Kimberly, 2016).  Swinging is defined as emotionally committed couples engaged in sexual activity with other couples.  Amazingly, 1-15% of couples in the United States have engaged in swinging at some point in their relationship. Demographically, “swingers tend to be white, highly educated, and are not a product of sexual abuse or from an abusive upbringing” (Kimberly, 2016, p. 5).

Swinging may be beneficial in relationships by keeping the couple engaged together. You may be wondering how can couples remain committed to one another when engaged in swinging or lifestyle? Kimberly (2016) recommends establishing ground rules prior to engaging in this type of sexual exploration. This is important so the couple agrees and adheres to the rules. The first rule is that the couple’s needs come first and if there is one person that doesn’t feel comfortable then the couple does not engage in the behavior. The next caveat is that no physical contact beyond the marriage with those they play with will occur. Next, emotional involvement outside of the marriage with swinging partners is not allowed. Last, honesty and loyalty within the marriage or primary relationship are essential.  These guidelines are established through open dialogue between the couple with respect to the desires, needs and respect for each other.  Without rules, the primary relationship will falter and one of the people in the relationship will leave. After all, open communication and expressing sexual needs is part of a healthy relationship and that is why rules are important.

There is a dichotomy at play here because swinging is a private affair for the couple, but in public those that swing are deemed ordinary citizens raising families and attending normal events as a monogamous couple. Society at large wouldn’t appreciate the  image of Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, or your Aunt and Uncle running around scantily clad at a swinger’s event. But they are there and it is a remarkable site to behold. You can go to swinger’s events anywhere practically. Every city has swinger’s clubs, and events, and if you pay a fee you are in the door. There are larger events that close down hotels and cruise ships where the entire event is for swingers. Imagine, attending a huge function with 1,000 people who are all interested in having sex with other couples.

Each event has their own dress code, as some require full attire, some allow full nudity and some are somewhere in between. You should check with the people running the event and of course read the rules. By the way you are not required to play with others, you can always say no and just look. It is amazing to see everyone from size 2- 24 and from ages 18-90 walking around and interacting socially. Some couples are there just for sex but most enjoy having a drink, chatting and seeing if both members are compatible and like talking to each other. They seem to feel out whether they can be friends with one another and attempt to keep a friendship going after they have met.

People do not judge and if a couple is interested in another couple they can proceed to a private room, or engage in an orgy in what is referred to as an orgy room. An orgy room is a very large room with mattresses on the floor, with clean sheets.  You may just look or you may jump in after asking for permission.  Condoms are typically used as a courtesy and to protect everyone from STDs.  There are so many events that are fun and get everyone engaged in the act of seduction. Try it….. You may like it…..

Love, Sex and Fun!

Wendy Adams-CEO Teddy Love Adult Toys




Kimberly, C. (2016). Permission to cheat: Ethnography of a swingers’ convention. Sexuality & Culture, 20(1), 56-68. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s12119-015-9309-y

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